I used to have a schema about how my life should run. Within myself I was always battling something inside of me, it’s always been that way. I was constantly challenged but I usually knew that was going to happen next was going to make sense, in some form. Life was a routine, expected (even in my own chaotic mind…those that know me well should chuckle here!). I had what I needed, and waiting for the next thing wasn’t too much of a problem.
Now, at this point in my life hardly anything makes sense. I never knew how much I would have to lean on Prov. 3:5-6 (check it out). Even when I think I just get a hold of what is going on things change, get more complicated, confusing, and at times more painful. I feel like I’m on a slippery slope but I can’t see the bottom and where I land. Everything I thought I knew about the world and how God works has in a sense been blown out of the water into space, and maybe a little beyond that. Funny thing is, now I understand more or less why (God’s glory and His work in my life), but beyond that I have absolutely no clue. Things don’t add up all the time and make sense like you would imagine in a ‘perfect’ world.
Now my heart is yearning, and waiting for the next thing has my soul in complete turmoil. I’m waiting on two things, both of which I feel like are promises He has given to me. One for everyone who wants it, and the other I believe He has to me. I relate to the Israelites at this point. They wandered in the desert for 40 years waiting for the promised land. I’ve been wandering in my own ‘desert’ for quite some time now. The cool thing is that God is there with me ‘feeding’ me and guiding my steps like He did with the Israelites. I don’t know where I’m going beyond the next camp. Nothing makes sense to me beyond that. What I take from the Israelites is that doesn’t matter so much. God STILL lead them to the promised land, even though they had several stops and I’m sure it didn’t make sense to them. We have to hope and hold onto His promise even though it seems like it will never come. When the time came, God moved.
Every schema I’ve had has been totally changed. I don’t know my next destination at times, but I know who is guiding me by a pillar of fire at night. He’ll be there with good when I finish sliding down this slippery slope at the bottom with open arms ready to show me around the ‘promised land.’ Even if I never reach it, I will still follow Him and hold to what He has said to me. He is an awesome God and worthy of all our praise, even when we are still stuck in the desert waiting for the promised land. If you are waiting to praise Him when you get to the promised land, will you ever praise Him if you never reach it like Moses? Praise Him in the desert while He is leading you by clouds in the day and pillars of fire at night. Don’t reject the manna of His word that He is faithfully providing for you just because sometimes it gets bland and dull. Don’t go seeking after something that will be more ‘fulfilling.’ God has richly provided for you, don’t go looking to fill it with something better on your own. You cannot do that. You will fail. The Israelites did, because they didn’t want what God had faithfully provided for them. It was all they needed, straight from Him. God knows what is best for you, trust Him with that. Trust what He has provided, even if it seems like a scant glimmer of hope. Don’t throw that glimmer away for anything. Keep that with all you have. Keep your eyes set on Him and don’t waver like the Israelites did and set their eyes on what was satisfying to them. Be not only satisfied, but overjoyed at His provision for you in your life. Even if you have absolutely nothing, remember you have His love which is everything. It’s hard for me to still grasp this, even when I had nothing…and it’s easy to forget when I’m so blessed. It’s the most awesome thing ever though. We have to hold onto that. Now I’m rambling, but I’ll finish with this verse. Live like this. He will do wonders.
“Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.”