So the other night I learned about God’s kindness.
On Monday I sinned, and then that night I hurt my shoulder working out. My immediate reaction was to think in exasperation, ‘Well I deserve this and it feels like punishment.’ I know enough mentally to move away from that, but the next day I still felt far from God and not good.
Paradoxically, throughout that day I just felt…. Kindness. It is hard to explain but that’s what I felt emanating in my mind. As I was in worship at church I was trying to work out what this distinct feeling of kindness was. Then I remembered something about kindness leading to repentance, but wasn’t sure if I was making that up because I wanted it or if it was in Scripture.
Since I like the back I could easily Google it without distracting anyone, and I was thankfully stunned to find that in Romans 2:4. Once I read that, Jesus brought me through many of the times I could remember Him being kind to me even though I messed up somehow… Including this time. He also brought me to remember Scripture and how kind He is throughout so many stories… namely the adulterous woman and the cross.
His kindness takes many forms but it is so present everywhere. It has coursed through my life and has been a steady refreshing stream of something I can fall back and remember. I’ve never felt so loved by God until I remembered, truly remembered, how kind He has been to me.
If this is what I consistently experience, I want to know the heart behind this. I want to know this Person who has been so kind to me, because I don’t understand it. It’s beyond my grasp. It’s baffling, but it’s there. I want to know the heart of the One who can be so kind and loving to me. The mystery makes me want to know more. I want to honor His kindness, because I’m so thankful for it.