I don’t care if my future wife is a virgin before I marry her.
Quite the inflammatory opening statement wrought with questions isn’t it? Let me clear out what I’m not saying before I move into what I am. I’m not saying I don’t care about her character. I’m not saying I will get cheeky under the sheets before our day. I’m not saying I’m indifferent and she can be as promiscuous as she pleases… Etc.
What I am saying is I am marrying her for who she is now, and not who she was in her past. It is behind her, so it is behind me. Haven’t we all had our fair share of mistakes and things we regret? When we get into any sort of relationship we need to be mature enough to understand this. We also know that we are in process. What I care about is who she is now. God has forgiven her, washed her of her sins just as much as God has done for me. He’s done the same for you too. Purity is my concern. Again, taking out the past, it’s about her current attitude and lifestyle. It’s about her dreams of growing in Christ and serving God. That is what purity is, it’s a lifestyle and a set of choices that set us apart. Here is an article that was good that someone posted this week: theresponsechurch.com/i-kept-my-virginity-but-not-my-purity
I’ve heard often enough about the shame people feel about their past, especially when it comes to messing up sexually. Most of us (including me) have borne a lot of shame, and in the Christian world a good amount of judgment as well. What I want to get across is the past is in the past and we can’t keep living in it based on shame for something we’ve been forgiven for. It doesn’t give us the excuse to keep making the same mistakes. It gives us the freedom to grow and move on, seeing our future and ourselves through the lens of what Christ has done for us. If I see anyone (not just a future mate) through the lens of Christ as a brother or sister I see them as forgiven. There are so many examples of Christ loving people as they were, why shouldn’t we be the same?
This post is in a different context of relationships, but the same principle can be carried into other aspects of life. Don’t be quick to judge someone on their past. Don’t be too quick to judge them for who they are now either. See them for what they can be and encourage them to be the best person they can be. Sometimes they won’t see it, but don’t let that deter you. Remind them they are made in the image of God and have intrinsic value, even if they feel their mistakes invalidate God finding worth in them.
We are all humans in need of a Savior, and yes we will make mistakes from time to time but we can’t be judged on our past just to be written off because of it. I suppose this judgement is something that set me off in anger, seeing so many people’s lives and emotions torn apart because of it. I saw some friends turned away from Christ. People assume many Christians’ identity comes from their past and current failure rather than their continuing sanctification as a child of Christ.
They were worth blood on the cross, and the death of a King. He died so they could live, and live their life to the fullest extent. Tell them to achieve their dreams, and tell them to never give up… Never to give into the lies that they will end up a failure and alone.
Life is so full, it’s an incredible thing. Why waste it drowning in the past and suffocating on the future?
This brings me to some music, and some songs by NeedtoBreathe off their new album that were influential in my writing. Check out these songs to gather more of where my mind was at when I was writing this. Rise again – coming through the other side of our past and our hearts changing for the good in the wake of a bitter end. Wasteland – there is a little light to be seen, and that is the hope we need. Difference Maker, Brother, More heart less attack were also very influential.
Part of “No Turning Back” — For King and Country
I’m marching out of the doubt into trust
Out of the me into us
No turning back, no turning back
No turning back
I’m falling head over heels into love
Leaving regret in the dust
No turning back, no turning back
No turning back, no
And If I’m caught in the crossfire
I will stand my ground
And even if I were to lose my life
Your arms are where I’ll be found